Ep3: Shame Culture and Hyper-Vigilance (on LinkedIn Audio)

We need to talk about #shame. And by shame, I don’t mean the shame that’s been academically researched and popularized by white folks. I mean the shame we’re NOT talking about.

It’s the shame experienced by racialized folks – especially racialized WOMEN – who live in or come from a #ShameCulture. This could be ethnic, e.g. #Asian and #African, but it’s definitely not limited to nationality or location. Certain religions, for example, and their associated practices/beliefs create a culture of shame.

💡 There’s a huge difference between feeling ashamed, and living in a shame culture. And that’s what I’m creating space to discuss.

Because being part of a #ShameCulture means: you don’t talk about #ShameCulture. 😭😭
 
❓ If you identify as a first-gen or diaspora person from a #ShameCulture, especially if you’re living in Europe or North America – when have you ever had the chance to learn about shame and its impact on you? Your life, your relationships, your career?

Again, I’m not talking about the shame we might have read about in books authored by white folks, or diagnosed by white therapists in a white culture context.

👉🏼 I’m talking about the shame that leads to “model minority” behaviour.
👉🏼 I’m talking about stereotypes of “tiger moms” and immigrant parents that become stand-up jokes for Asian and African comedians.
👉🏼 I’m talking about “saving face” and “keeping things in the family” so that we never learn to recognize unhealthy mindsets, let alone get help for them.

👉🏼 Add on to that the extra shame heaped on women, trans, non-binary, asexual, and anyone who’s not a cis-het man (which is generally worse in #ShameCultures than Western culture), and we have a steaming volcano ready to explode.

By the way, I recognize the danger of blanket demographics. I’m NOT saying that every person from a #ShameCulture must feel ashamed, or have the same experiences as their peers. Not every one will have trauma from shame or need to talk about it. That’s GREAT, I hope a lot of people feel healthy and happy regardless of ethnicity or culture.

For those who DO feel the need to discuss – this LinkedIn Audio series is for you. 💙 I’m hosting a series of Changing Lenses Convos tailored for the racialized, “model minority”, women and marginalized gender identity folks from #ShameCultures who would like a safe audio-only space to hear from a community of people like me, as we share our experiences, express our frustrations, debrief their impacts, and profess our hopes for a better future. (Racialized men from #ShameCultures are welcome to join and listen in, but the focus will be given to voices of other gender identities.) 💙

This will happen weekly starting November 9 and ending December 14, alternating between mid-day and evening (Eastern Standard Time), to give as much access as possible.

I hope you can join me for this and future episodes of Shame Culture: Changing our Lenses on Shame.